I know we’re in February now, but I wanted to write about how January was such a strange month for me.
It’s currently my last month in Paris, and since I’m working from home for my new internship, I’ve had to adjust to a new style of working which I’m not used to. You decide how you want to spend your day. And to be honest, having this much freedom can be overwhelming. Sometimes, I can’t decide how I want to spend my day or what to see in Paris.
Anxiety takes over my body, and I realize I’m putting so much pressure on myself to make the most out of my last month here. And I don’t know how. It’s been one of those in-between months that feel excruciatingly slow.
Sometimes I just want to lock myself inside my flat, and talk to no one. Other times, I crave human interaction. It sucks to be home alone most of the time, but you just have to suck it up and deal with it.
After February, my next stop is Chile. I have to say, it was REALLY stressful getting my visa. And I still don’t have it. It has taken over 3 weeks, because I had to gather a long list of personal documents, which was very hard to sort out when your parents live on the opposite side of the globe or because of the fact that I’ve never actually lived in one country. Now the consulate has sent my visa application back to me, because I was missing a signature. Super. I feel pretty much left on my own for this. I wish I had my friends and family.
Suddenly, I feel the full-fleshed impact of adulthood. You transition from your late teens where you were given a lot more guidance to: ‘here, deal with “LIFE” and no one tells you how to do it.’ When you’re an adult, you are left on your own in terms of decision-making. And if they don’t turn out to be good decisions, you have to carry on and learn from your mistakes.
I don’t feel quite ready to go to Chile. My mind is still on Paris and over the last 7 months I’ve built a deep attachment to the city. There’s always so much going on, and so many interesting people to meet. You’re in a city where all the greats lived; writers and famous activists who have contributed to a significant change in the world, and you believe that you too, are capable of doing something great.
This is why I’m so sad to leave. I fell in love with Paris. And now, I have to move and start the whole process of moving, making friends and adapting to a new culture again. It gets exhausting. I’m definitely coming back to Paris some time in the future, so it won’t be long!
In terms of my blog, I sometimes feel like I’m at a dead-end. I enjoy writing a lot, and to be able to share it with you guys, and I feel so grateful for the response that I’ve gotten over the last 7 months. Especially when I hit 5k views. It’s not a huge amount, but I’d never have thought that I’d be able to reach that. Yet, I have still so much to learn about blogging and I want to grow as much as I can. But my dreams seem so out of my reach right now.
I have a lot of plans for what I want to achieve this year. But I want to leave you guys with this video that I found on Youtube, and it changed my point of view completely. And I guess this helped me prepare myself for Chile.